The beginning…

Being loved by someone was a perfect dream of anyone. It was like a bottle of whiskey, sweet and posh; you’ll never know when would hit you to a fantasy time. It’s like a beer in a bucket, ready to pull you down into drunkenness. And if love calls, anyone is willing to toss it up just to satisfy their feelings. It’s like taking risk, giving up everything; fool thy self just to have a perfect relationship. A perfect relationship between two individual would be as perfect as a hundred year old wine in your granny’s cellar. Sweet as you sip, tender as you swallowed, and soft as you feel.

A perfect partner that would understand every difficult times of your life. He was there when your not. He listened when you’re in silence. And he would cry when you should be happy. A perfect lover that stir you a cup of coffee when you’re feeling dizzy. He would sing you a lullaby when you’re not busy. He would be willing to give anything in exchange of your little time. He will call when you don’t. He would ask you if you’re ok even if he’s not! He would dry up your tears even he’s crying.

It’s like listening to a dying song. It feels like the melodies and rhythm; it could sway us to a certain harmony. Irreplaceable and undying; yet you still don’t know that it starts to kill.

Dying Gaul

Recovering from a delicate surgery is not easy; to think that wounds are making scars underneath my skin turns my indigo senses into black. The days are passing by, yet my rough wounded ego is getting complications. Every dose that I took makes me petrify and my amicable visions turn no red but pale. My bitter mind telling me to lay and rest, whispered me that I have no mistake in giving love to someone that didn’t succeed. And it makes my heart hardened, and reborn with new perceptions.

That all I thought, I succeeded…

That I thought… I accomplished it.

That I thought, I’ve learned the new lesson…

But I was wrong…

I haven’t felt the hurt, because I refused to feel it. I took all the effort that I have never done a mistake in giving what they call “love”. I never realized…never ever until I met Oliver, who was far beyond to my “standards”. He was the guy that I thought I would never like. But he turned the unusual color into something brilliant. He made me happy when I’m in deep pain. He helped me forget that I was in my glum. The little guy who was so out-going and fun, made my center of attention, that I’m willing to forget who and what surrounded me. He was the guy who likes to forget sad things; he likes to escape from the reality (aside of liking Wendy’s stuff). He like happy moments and ideas.

I remember our first meeting and first date. We took a veeerrry looong hike, from CCP Complex to Macapagal Boulevard in Pasay until we reached the back part of The Mall of Asia. It was an unforgettable night and it was so unique that I appreciated it. Through that “rare” date, I’ve known him and I’ve learned to like him. We’ve spent the night together, changing information’s and own ideas. And before the sunrise, we agreed to become lovers. I never thought that was really instant. I never thought that the unlikable person would capture me and turned to like him, and eventually loved him. That time, I was so deceived with the idea of loving and being loved. That I never thought I was making my own path to foolishness! Because of loving, I am willing to give up everything. I’ve never known myself that time. And I realized that it wasn’t me. Our relationship only lasted for two months. That time, I know, I wasn’t being unfair because I know I did everything just to work the relationship, even if I would look like a fool. But, no matter how you risked nothing would happened. Even angels couldn’t explain. Even rainbows wouldn’t show. No one would give answers to dying Gaul’s cry.

Yes, I was hurt and tried again to move on. I cried, not because I felt the hurt; it was because I missed some part of the plans that I had to share to him. Yet time grabbed all the chances from us. I knew I wasn’t being unfair to him. I struggled for several months of healing the wounds that created by the failures. And I succeeded!

(Whenever I see the place we’ve been to, it flashes all the memories that we had… it shows my tears, but I could carry to laugh…with all my happiness.)