I just cant keep thinking of the thought of how wrong am I in this world to be left nothing but hope. To be happy, still needs to justify myself and prove the reasons not to be silent and be heard. But, my heart, I knew it cries out loud to my chest and seek comfort from anyone I’m hoping to cherish. I’d love to seek warmth from whisper of hapiness, yet still I hear silence.

There are things that doesnt go with your plan, and doesnt go with what you hope. I like this guy, we chatted every now and then, and I hoped the path for maturity of being special goes a success but it failed. Then another came, we’ve known before and then I was late. And recently I met this guy whom I found him good and I like him so much, but again…Iwas late çoz my friend already owns him.

Yes I’m disappointed, not to anyone but to myself. I thought of there’s something wrong with me…

I want to be love again.

I knew everything happens for a reason…and I hope that reason is good.

I’ve exhausted everythinh my mind is capable of thinking right now. And I’m left with nothing to do or write. Blank Space. Yet, still words.

What wonders a word can offer! It fills spaces, bridges gaps, seal doors, open posibilities and ideas-so limitless, boundless and inexhaustible. They’re recyclable, reusable and easily dispensable.

But, it’s also amazing how sometimes, one can never justify his feelings with words. It becomes lacking, useless and annoyingly ordinary. The person, then, is left with no other choice but to resort still with words; leaving him with a heavy heart, bottled emotions and suppressed feelings. It piles on top of another until he can hold no more.

Death.

Still, words become useless. They can never bring the dead back, breathing and living. Late forgiveness, useless anguish and hurt- all are joined with the corpse six feet below the ground. People might say, let’s bury the hatchet. But can we ever do that?

Questions…

…And then some. They’re all words; and sometimes with hidden meanings and double entendre. Seemingly innocent yet could gravely harm.

Words.

They intermingle with people’s lives. Sometimes, one chains.

And then it breaks.

It wasn’t so hard to let go and feel free of what the past made to you. But is seems it left a memory that would never be erase easily. But for me, I find it unusual and exciting. What else I could think of, it is a part of my life now and it will never be erase in my life’s book. This is not the first time to reminisce those events, but I gradually accept the fact that I made those things in the past. I did not regret the things that I have done and so more, maybe I’ll regret the things that I’ll miss to do in the future. I’m very thankful that I have a great sanity to conquer all the errors.

My life is full of irony. Maybe now I’m having a great time surfing around, but maybe I’m here because I’m searching for something to give me greatness. I live in this kind of world where God knows I could fulfill the life that He gave, the satisfaction, balance and awareness. It might be chaos to think but this is life all about. There’s good and there’s bad. Anything in between are the focal points to be kept and appreciated. Live life to the fullest, free your minds from worries and love yourself for only you can take care of it.

Have you experience dreaming of something that every time you sleep and then you dream it again…and again? It’s the same dream…it never change.

It started last august, I dreamed of my ex partner. It’s like he’s true to my visions as I dreamt of him being beside me in the flesh! Since my ex and I have a constant communication, I made an e-mail to him yet from my dozens of messages I never got a reply from him. Until just recently I got a phone call made by James (his current partner) letting me know that my ex is in the hospital because of a vehicular accident they both experience last month. He also said that Joseph is recovering now from severe injuries.

And then, he passed the phone to Joseph who’s beside him, and then we talked.

As I’ve heard his aching voice, our memories poured on my head. I felt his pains and agonies. He’s having a hard time spitting some words. He always said that he’s doing well and I don’t have to worry.

The beep of the phone brought me back into my sanity. My eyes wet with tears and my heart is overloaded with confusions.

So that’s the dreams trying to tell me that there’s something wrong happened.

The greates conflict a man can have is a conflict with himself, his own principles, his ilk, tribe and loved ones. When you’re conflict with principles then very likely you have compromised your integrity. When your in conflict with your tribe, then very likely you’re seen as a traitor. When you’re in conflict with your loved ones and your ilk, then there’s a good chance that you have become intolerable.

I went to my friend’s house in a nearby ghetto last week. He told me how upset he knows that his boyfriend is doing unlikable things behind him. Here’s the story.

They are bisexual couple living together. He’s Say and his partner Pol; they live with Pol’z younger brother. They’ve been in a relationship for over a year. Then recently, they met this guy in the internet who they made friend of. They hang out together (3 of them). Then, we learned that this guy is a common friend of mine BEFORE.

“That user? I know him. He invited me once in a black party and then he introduced me to his friends as hi BOYFRIEND. This is so untrue! He lied! He used me just to let his friends know that he got a good looking boyfriend ( hehehe that is so true…^wink^)”

~uzh~

Say got shocked when he learned that I have known that fat guy who bugs his boyfriend.

“Yeah right, he’s a pretender! As if he knows a lot. How pathetic! He didn’t even know how to order in a menu. And this one thing I discovered. He got a horrible pair of feet! Hahahaha.

It’s like; he got this disease called elephantiziz! And damn! He also has fungal infection too! Yuck!”

~ Say~

And then I asked him what happened between this guy and his partner. He said that he discovered that his partner is having an affair with that loser!

“Damn of them! I read their sweet mezzagez…all of it! And I also caught that fat guy really flirting with my partner. He’s really a dead meat! I’ll going to kill him!”

~ Say~

I told him to confront Pol about that and they should talk about the situation first before anything else.

“Yeah right”

~Say~

I woke up this morning with somewhat not in a good feeling. I felt that I’ll gonna have fever. I stayed on my bed instead of having my bone stretched. Then, I remembered the past when there’s someone who took care of my heart. I remembered the mornings when I often got a call from Joseph to wake me up so early just to remind me how he cares and to update me to some plans of the day. He doesn’t care whether I’m in a good or bad mood those mornings. Hell! Why I can’t forget those things? Crap! I really miss him. I miss everything about him. His eyes when he stared at me, his noze when he played mine, his lips when he kissed me and his touches…all about him!

It’s been over two years since we last seen each other. I wonder how everything would happen if there’s no such break-up between us. I wonder what will happen if I agreed to keep a long distance relationship with him. Did we keep it long enough to both of us? Mere dilemma yet it complicates everything between us.

For me, what we had before is a considerable romance; an unusual thing. Now, Joseph and I still keep a good friendship and communication bounded by past. He may be in a far away place and to keep someone else cares, we still keep a communication that minimizes the distances. Romance between us is done, yet we keep the friendship between. He already has someone who’s always there at his side. And I’m still waiting for mine.

I already moved on. I know I had.

Since one of the synonyms for “powerful” is “potent”, it’s hardly surprising we feel more powerful when we know we can get a good woody. Those who suffer from erectile dysfunction may be confused about the difference between cialis and viagra at the time you waqnt to have sex, because it pretty much provides you with an erection in  about a half hour to an hour and  the pill lasts about four hours. You  take cialis  when you figure your chances of getting lucky in the next thirty six hours are pretty good when it happens , you don’t want to wait however long for your pill on kick in. With cialis you can’t get “UP” anytime the mood is right as long as it’s within that approximate thirty six hours window. Both drugs require sexual stimulation to work, so don’t worry that you’re gonna be stuck with a problem in your hands (literally) if the situation changes.

Now get out there and strut your powerful, prime patouti0e pronto!

*based from a horny professional friend…wink!

Five years ago, he was 28 a friend had an epiphany. He was an engineer, he was very successful…but got bored out on his mind.

Then one day, while he was down in samal island, where he and his young partner spend vacations and holidays- sauntering along the beach, he took up a new hobby (besides wacking his wang..hehe). He was bombarded by this visual presentation of college-aged guys, they all were shirtless, parading up and down the beach, playing volleyball, throwing frisbees. So he went out and bought a camera and started asking these guys if he could take their pictures. At first, he started off by offering them 100 pesos, the really ’special’ ones getting 150. And he was looking for specific details: Tattoos, great torsos and nice movement of muscles.

In fact, the beach was a perfect place for him to get started. As is obvious from his work, he’s obsessed with male torso. (but he’s not interested what is bellow the button). The beauty of the beach is that male torsos are all around.

There’s something fresh and unself-conscious about guys in their early twenties. His motivation was this deep yawning that he had to capture these guys. For those first couple of years he had his camera on automatic. He wasn’t interested in the buttons or technical aspects. He just wanted to capture  the moment.

His partner has been especially supportive, probably because when he’s off photographing he’s leaving him alone for a little while. His partner typically looks at beefy, older guys. But him, usually staring at smooth, twenty-something athletes. He doesn’t want to shoot older guys, because it isn’t his passion. But their opposite taste are healthy!

Where will I be tomorrow?

Tomorrow will be a new day, a new life and a new beginning of a one’s new life. It’s another time to start and to loose towards one’s self destiny, to the end or for endlessness.

Where will I be tomorrow?

I think that I could be in a new role, anew being to breath. Struggles of life are consistent, anything around me will change yet I still live with my life. Breathing and fighting for a man’s right. Drifts of progress may flow me, yet I’m still me using the life that has given to me. Changes occur, yet I’m still me. A son, a brother and a friend. Times will change me, yet I’m still me, that have the soul of a man. I still kept my morality, intellect, emotion and my own liberty that has given to me.

I feel that the essence of my mortality will be in me forever. As long as I could consider the importance of the life that what is given to me. I will feel proud, for tomorrow, I will have my dreams and audaciously use my pure mortality. I will feel brave, for tomorrow, I’ll surpass the challenges that the life has. And I feel that, divine being is with me. For He gave me to have a strong true personality.

I learned that man’s life is very profound. It is very hard to explain yet man carries all the answers of the hardships. I learned that everything is borderless abundant in this world, in this cycle called life. I learn to appreciate and understand what was given to me. And I learned to accept the basis and destiny of life.

I suggest to my fellows to appreciate every little things in this world. For everything here have efforts and uses. That everything is important in our life’s cycle. That everything needs to understand and appreciated. That everything needs attention. That everything needs a care to preserve. Everything needs dedication to know the deep meaning of everything we have now.